I get by with a little help from my friends...

This post is dedicated to Christina Andreadakis Montgomery.

I met Christina during my freshman year of college, when I was having a particularly hard time adjusting at BYU. I don't remember the first time we talked but I do remember distinctly the first time we bonded.

It was the night before Christmas break. I was busy packing for home, and was excited to be leaving my cramped dorm room for my home in Pennsylvania. Christina came into my room and we starting talking, about our hometowns, our families, and the break. About all the things that seem to matter but yet don't. Not really at least. I had put on a tough face during that semester to the outside world. I smiled, laughed, and talked with the friends I had made. But when my mom or dad or best friend would call, I would break down and cry and talk and cry more. I realize now that I was emotionally starved that first semester. I didn't have anyone I could talk to on my floor, or in my classes, about the things that mattered. With my family I had to let out all the things I had been wanting to say and all the thoughts I had wanted to share, but couldn't, since the last phone call.

That night I had my first real conversation with someone at college. We talked about choices, and mistakes, and imperfections. We talked about what we felt and what we hoped for. That night I talked from my heart and ignored my head. That night was the beginning of something great.

Five years later, that talk has multiplied into thousands of "heart to hearts". Because that's what they really are. With my heart touching yours and yours mine, we have talked through the days and the years. We have talked our way through graduation, and through your marriage. We have talked our way through our careers and have dreamed of our future lives. We have talked our way through a fair share of less than worthy boys and men, and through all the complications and heartaches that go along with love.

You showed me how to look for the less obvious treasures in life. To really listen to music. And to apply it all to life and how to live it. You have continually been a example to me of determination and hard work. You have shown me forgiveness is possible. That people deserve second and third chances. To not judge anyone. To persevere despite one's circumstances. To figure out what you believe, and to live it. And that sometimes, all we really need is for someone to listen to us.

Christina models her life around the idea that everyone deserves a chance, a chance to be heard, a chance to be loved, a chance to feel that they deserve something more than the cards life has dealt them.

Thanks, Christina. For always listening. For always being there. For loving me through it all. You are all that I could ask for in a friend. Love you! Happy late birthday!

The Did's and Didn't's

Life/Future

Did: Start a Peace Corps application.
Didn't: Complete it.

Did: Buy a LSAT study book.
Didn't: Read it.

Did: Research publishing companies in San Diego.
Didn't: Apply for a publishing job in San Diego.

Did: Make some spiritual/religious goals.
Didn't: Act on them.

Exercise/Health

Did: Plan to go running.
Didn't: Actually go running.

Did: Eat Subway and cheesecake for lunch.
Didn't: Worry about the money, calories, or sugar intake of said food.

Work

Did: Plan to be productive at work today.
Didn't: Get as much done as I wanted/needed to.

Did: Get a paycheck today.
Didn't: Spend it on a new laptop (yet!!!).

Family/Friends

Did: Go see two sets of grandparents in southern Utah.
Didn't: Get to see my family, who are too far away for a holiday weekend trip.

Did: Reconnect with someone.
Did: Disconnect with someone.
Didn't: Call a lot of people who deserve to be called.

Did: Feel love for all my family, including all my sisters (who I love as much as my blood sisters). You know who you are.
Didn't Ever think that anyone else had a better family than mine.

A tribute

I love my family and friends. Ever since I announced that I am moving to the States and am clueless as to where to live or even how to live, I have had many, many beautiful, generous people offer their homes and support to me. Humankind's ability for love and kindness amazes me, it really does. Sometimes I forget about all the good in this world, as I'm sure we all do from time to time. There really is more good than we can recognize. And that is definitely something I've learned over the past couple of weeks. So thanks. To my truly amazing family and friends. You guys really do make me feel like we are all in this together.

Music my love...

I loovvve music!!! It's always surprising to me when people are shocked either by how much I love or know about music or about what I listen to. I've never been in the music "scene", I don't play any instruments and I'm completely tone deaf. But I have to admit, at times in my life I have been completely obsessed with music. I mean to the point where I'm listening to it more than I'm doing anything else. But yes, I guess I don't seem like a music person. I think I did more when I was younger, you know when you have to dress and act the part you are playing to the world.

Lately I've felt like I'm loosing that feeling, (not the loving one...haha) that all-encompassing need for sound, and not just any sound but good sound. Beautiful sound. I know I still have it though because really good music still gives me goosebumps. It still makes me feel the things it once did, way back when life was simpler and music did mean almost everything.

Case it point: My first year of college, still encased in my music groupie identity, (I don't know what else to call it) I wrote my final essay for my English class on music. That thing was almost 10 pages long and I had never loved writing anything so much in my life. I still love that paper. Not because it is good writing (its quite wide-eyed and mediocre) but because I wrote it with the feeling of music in my words. (I swear I'm not making this up. Einstein said he thought and daydreamed in music. In fact, he is often quoted saying "I see my life in terms of music"!) I was in the zone. And believe me, the zone is hard to find. Not often do words, at least for me, come so easily, and keep coming, almost without hesitation. Anyway it was great. I highly recommend writing about the things you really care about often. It's pretty addicting.

Now I am so bogged down by life that I feel like outside sound is only meant to distract me from my purpose, my discovery of my wants and desires, my career goals and my financial woes. All of it is overwhelming, so much so that along the way I have forgotten why I am so down. Its not because I am bogged down with decisions, although that is part of it. I've found its more to do with the fact that I'm neglecting most the loves in my life. My three big loves, well okay four. Friends. Music. Men. Books. Friends are of course a big love. I need to call more, make an effort more. Music, hello what have I been blogging about? Men, also very self-explanatory, although slightly embarrassing. And books. I need to read more of the things that matter, the things that change your world-view, that teach you more about life than any single class or test ever could.

I need to remember how all of these things make me so much happier than I am without them. So thanks. To my friends, who mean everything, and I really do mean it. To the artists who are so brilliant and talented and who have changed my life. And to all those men, and I mean all of them, who have given me some uh interesting experiences, both good and bad. I'll stop there before it gets too scary.

And that just sounded like I was writing my own acknowledgements page. Sorry about that. Read all my music posts and seriously check them out. You never know, they might change your life too.