I loovvve music!!! It's always surprising to me when people are shocked either by how much I love or know about music or about what I listen to. I've never been in the music "scene", I don't play any instruments and I'm completely tone deaf. But I have to admit, at times in my life I have been completely obsessed with music. I mean to the point where I'm listening to it more than I'm doing anything else. But yes, I guess I don't seem like a music person. I think I did more when I was younger, you know when you have to dress and act the part you are playing to the world.
Lately I've felt like I'm loosing that feeling, (not the loving one...haha) that all-encompassing need for sound, and not just any sound but good sound. Beautiful sound. I know I still have it though because really good music still gives me goosebumps. It still makes me feel the things it once did, way back when life was simpler and music did mean almost everything.
Case it point: My first year of college, still encased in my music groupie identity, (I don't know what else to call it) I wrote my final essay for my English class on music. That thing was almost 10 pages long and I had never loved writing anything so much in my life. I still love that paper. Not because it is good writing (its quite wide-eyed and mediocre) but because I wrote it with the feeling of music in my words. (I swear I'm not making this up. Einstein said he thought and daydreamed in music. In fact, he is often quoted saying "I see my life in terms of music"!) I was in the zone. And believe me, the zone is hard to find. Not often do words, at least for me, come so easily, and keep coming, almost without hesitation. Anyway it was great. I highly recommend writing about the things you really care about often. It's pretty addicting.
Now I am so bogged down by life that I feel like outside sound is only meant to distract me from my purpose, my discovery of my wants and desires, my career goals and my financial woes. All of it is overwhelming, so much so that along the way I have forgotten why I am so down. Its not because I am bogged down with decisions, although that is part of it. I've found its more to do with the fact that I'm neglecting most the loves in my life. My three big loves, well okay four. Friends. Music. Men. Books. Friends are of course a big love. I need to call more, make an effort more. Music, hello what have I been blogging about? Men, also very self-explanatory, although slightly embarrassing. And books. I need to read more of the things that matter, the things that change your world-view, that teach you more about life than any single class or test ever could.
I need to remember how all of these things make me so much happier than I am without them. So thanks. To my friends, who mean everything, and I really do mean it. To the artists who are so brilliant and talented and who have changed my life. And to all those men, and I mean all of them, who have given me some uh interesting experiences, both good and bad. I'll stop there before it gets too scary.
And that just sounded like I was writing my own acknowledgements page. Sorry about that. Read all my music posts and seriously check them out. You never know, they might change your life too.
A Farewell to New Friends
3 days ago