Wisdom Teeth Removal for Dummies:A Guide to the ins and outs of getting your wisdom teeth removed

1o Tips to help you survive during and after surgery

Tip 1: Get knocked out when you have those most inconvenient teeth removed.

This one is a no brainer. Who wants to be awake when various implements of mouth torture are busy cutting through bone, gum, tissue, and nerves? Not me!

Tip 2: Take lots of painkillers for the first 3 days after removal.

I recommend Loratab. I took one of these nice pills every 6 hours, with a 800 mg Ibuprofen in between doses. I can honestly say that I did not feel anything.

Tip 3: Have a wonderful caretaker lined up to help you out for at least the first 2 days.

Sisters are the best option, followed by mothers. If you don't have either, settle for a significant other.

Tip 4: For at least 1 week after surgery refrain from exercising, smoking, using straws, drinking alcohol, eating grainy food, eating hard food, eating food that comes in small pieces, eating anything too hot, or too spicy, or too acidic, opening your mouth too wide, yawning, etc.

I would give you the complete list but then you might just decide to overdose on the provided prescriptions.

Tip 5: Ice your face for the first 2 days after surgery. Place heat on your face for at least a few days after that.

I am not a doctor or a oral surgeon, and so do not understand the science behind the cold vs. heat dilemma. What I do know is that if you only use the cold method, your chances of getting dry socket are increased dramatically. Believe me. I know.

Tip 6: If you do develop dry socket, give yourself at least 1 extra week of refraining from all the above things.

Do not break this rule. See below for consequences.

Tip 7: Do not push yourself too early on getting back on your feet. Chances are that by trying to speed up recovery you will actually be slowing it down.

Exercising too early is a big no-no. When you start to taste blood in your mouth within the first 15 minutes of cardio and your wounds feel like it has a pulse of its own, STOP exercising! Dislodging a blood clot for the sake of burning a few hundred calories is not worth it.

Tip 8: Give yourself 3-5 days of intense recovery time.

This means no work, school, etc for at least 3 days. Take some days off. And enjoy them.

Tip 9: Have appropriate drinks and food on hand and prepared before the surgery.

I recommend smoothies, pudding, applesauce, broth, ice cream, and mashed potatoes. They were all I ate for 4 days.

Tip 10: Have entertainment options on hand to subdue the boredom.

This can be anything-movies, TV shows, sympathetic friends, friends who want to see you stoned out of your mind, whatever! Bottom line: when you are on Loratab you will not care the quality or in what form the entertainment comes in. You'll most likely fall asleep within the first 15 minutes of any of the above options anyway.

For more tips, feel free to send questions directly to my blog comment box. Thank you.

Dentist Horror

I think they should make a film about killer dentists. You know why? Because dentists suck! I don't think they realize the pain and agony they put people through, honestly I don't.

Recently, I went to the dentist's office for the bi-annual cleaning/check-up. I was a little worried that I had a cavity because one of my teeth has been extra sensitive the past couple of months. Well, it turns out I did not have a cavity (thank God!). This is most likely NOT due to the fact that I have good oral hygiene (I don't...) but instead due to the fact that I cannot handle pain, needles, especially in my mouth. Thus, I am convinced I will never have a cavity because I would just roll up into a ball on the dentist's semi-clean floor and start screaming (which would be too embarrassing to fathom).

My experience, despite the lack of cavity-horror/dentist-torture, was still pretty dang horrifying. First off, the hygienist AND dentist kept asking me questions. Now, I don't know about you, but how many people can answer 'What their major' is with their mouth full of metal prongs and a unknown chalky-like substance? It's next to impossible. Why do they even try? So I have to attempt to be polite and answer with my mouth full, the result being that I spew out all said liquid agents around the office and bite down nastily on the metal dental torture device.

The other thing that really sucked was that the hygienist snapped the cemented-on, back, bottom retainer thing that has been permanently in my mouth ever since I got by braces off in 8th grade. How does one even do that? This was definitely evidence that some people (like sadists and dental hygienists) get waaayy too excited when torturing new victims.

And to top it all off? I have to get my two wisdom teeth removed. Oh joy! I think I may just die right now.